A CUT ON MY TOE

I was searching for our cat R.T. today in the vast backyard. Sometimes the cats seem to stray. As i trenched through the parched grass I cut my toe on a fallen branch. The randomness of this action made me think. There is no control over anything involved with any living interaction. The movement and process that is involved in just a step on the grass has many factors that can change a perfect reaction. A movement is counteracted by gravity, elevation, moisture, etc.. There is a plan of action that your mind creates. In a perfect environment and a perfectly healthy body, there can be a perfect move. The acuteness of this process of movement is endless.

You can only try and react in the best manner you allow. Your mind cannot think at a level of perfection. There is only a small percentage of the brain used in this stage of the human interaction in the world. That leads me to believe that we are at an early state in our life cycle. The cycle may be leading on for many thousand years to come. Does the answer lie in us, or a natural effect. What is exciting, is the change that we have had on the world today. Human interaction in the world changes the face for all time. This does not happen with other living things. We are not as involved in the cycle of life. By our interaction, we have changed some cycles in numerous untouched environments. If we can change these peaceful ecosystems in a negative manner, then what else can we change in a positive manner? We only fix our own mistakes made in the past by a oblivious generation. The damage created is a chaos that continue to spiral out of control.

Why did our species not fit into the ecosystem like everything else has in the past. The weak become extinct over time, and adaptation takes over. Our brain and our ability to deeply cogitate is what makes us strong. The burning force of the human race. We are not like other living things. Humans burn through as many resources as we see fit. Taking more than we need. Why do we do this? Because our nature is to consume. The more we consume the better we feel in the moment of consumption. The time after consumption is the problem. Our path looks far in the distance. "Will the path sustain itself or will we have to find a solution before it burns away?"

There is so many unknowns. So many questions. Sometimes a cut on the toe can lead to a contemplating moment. "Positive contemplation leads to positive reactions in future moments."

Peace

I have developed this peace about me that feels like a constant splash of cool water on a scorching hot day. I am not sure what is happening to me these days. The last couple weeks I have felt weird. Almost like, my subconscious is pulling me towards an answer. I am constantly thinking. Constantly contemplating. Addicted to truth ahead.

This writing has opened my eyes to the world inside and outside of me. My meditation in the mornings has come to a point where I have to set my alarm to stop the process. I catch myself meditating for more than an hour each morning. I wish more people could experience this peace in meditation. Life to me is a time to ponder and react to the moment.

Why is everyone so stressed around me? There seems to be more negative people around me in this world of now. I still catch myself having negative thoughts. Just catching myself is a step ahead in itself.

As I ponder and contemplate, there seems to be an underlying truth still there in a outreached hand. Who's hand is this? I have been having a dream about this. I see something in my dream, but cannot make it out. Is my subconscious telling me something? Or is it just a dream? There are answers still waiting for me.

Right now I am living in the moment. That is where I will stay until greatness is revealed to me.

A FEW PAINTINGS

I have been in an endless painting mode lately.

THIS ROUNDS ON ME

Let's do this one for those we love

and hopefully they will love us back.

If they don't let God turn their hearts

and if he cannot do that let him turn their ankles.

So that we can know them by their limp.

PURPOSE

IS THEIR A PURPOSE TO LIFE?

WHAT IS MY PURPOSE, DO YOU HAVE ONE? ONCE YOU COMPLETE YOUR PURPOSE ARE YOU DONE?

WAS I BORN WITH THIS ABILITY, WILL IT REALLY COME TRUE. IS MY PURPOSE TO CHANGE THAT GUY OR IS IT TO CHANGE YOU?

IS PURPOSE INGRAINED, LIKE IT IS ALREADY UP THERE? OR IS IT UNCHANGED, IF YOUR PARENTS CAN BARE.

DID THEY COMPLETE WHAT THEY WERE SET OUT TO DO? OR DID THEY RETREAT AND THEY LEFT IT ALL UP TO YOU?

CAN YOU FEEL IT? WHEN DO YOU KNOW? WHEN YOUR PURPOSE HAS COME FORTH AND IT IS TIME FOR YOUR SHOW.

OR IS PURPOSE LIKE JEWERLY? ONE OF THOSE THINGS, THAT A GUY WEARS IN LIFE? LOOK AT ALL MY RINGS!

I DID THIS AND I DID THAT. ARE YOU IMPRESSED, DOES IT MATTER THAT I AM FAT.

I TOOK CARE OF BUSINESS, I RIGHTED THE WRONG. I CHANGED THE WORLD AND I DID IT LIKE A BELLS D..O..N..G.!

DOES PURPOSE COME OR DOES IT GO? WILL YOU KNOW WHEN IT IS YOUR TIME TO GLOW?

PURPOSE COULD BE JUST ANOTHER THING. IS IT YOUR DESTINY OR ARE YOU JUST WEARING ANOTHER RING?

STORM OF CHAOS

I have talked about the random chaos around us in previous pieces. It is everywhere. It controls everything. Every action or moment creates a new connection that will effect the chaos around you. The storm can catch you when your least expecting. Try and hold onto your self control. Negative Chaos is out there. Someone has made a negative action somewhere in the last few seconds. Don't allow yourself to be connected to negativity. Finding the negativity in the chaos is the key. You control your own chaos storm. Your actions are out there too. How strong is your storm? How positive is your storm? Realize the importance of recognizing chaos.

painting by dustin gilstrap

FINDING YOUR POLE

When you are alone there is only one decision possible. It is your decision. You may contemplate the outcome, but the end decision is yours. The perfection of this compels me to make more decisions alone.

When you are with one other there is a 50-50 outcome in the beginning. Whoever is more confident in the decision, usually will get their way. Sometimes there can be a mutual decision made between two compatible minds. Though, it can never be a perfect 50-50. Conflict arises with another random mind in the mix.

When you are with two others there is a 33 percent chance your decision will be the chosen one. Imagine three magnets. Each perfectly aligned in a row. When one magnet is moved, there is a fight for the chance to connect. If the pull either way is great enough, the magnet or magnets will touch and become one. The poles are aligned at the point of contact. "The connection of magnetism with everything is a pull towards the answer." The randomness of three magnets connecting at the same time is only possible with math or perfection. Two magnets will connect at a closer time and a the decision will be made with less chaos involved. Sometimes you are destined or "pulled" towards the right or wrong answer. Try to pull yourself away from a decision before you are pulled in. Never let yourself connect to a decision that you do not feel positive about. Strive to keep a positive pole. Negativity will reach at you. Stay at a distance beyond the line that pulls you in.

Numbers allow so many possible outcomes. In the end one decision is made. Which pole are you attracted to? Do you pull at people in a negative manner? Are you pulled into a negative outcome on occasion? Controlling the mix of your positive and negative pole is the connection I am trying to release. Strength can come in numbers. The best decision will sometimes mold from many. Chaos also comes with numbers. We can to pull people towards the positive outcome or stay a distance away from the magnetic pull. "I will strive to not be another crow on the wire." The negative perspective of a crows on a wire made a great addition to the positive pull of this writing. You control your personal spot in the magnetic realm of the universe.

picture "Crows on a Wire", by dustin gilstrap

THE BREAKFAST EXPERIENCE

I had a chance to spend some time with Abbie and Mom yesterday. It is amazing to see the likeness in them as Abbie grows. It is great to see them together on this trip. They made a random decision to venture up to Colorado Springs. Sometimes you just have to go for it and get some work done. They made a proactive decision to search for a house for Abbie and register for classes early. The early bird always gets the worm.

I began my morning with coffee. I needed to wake up. My mind was groggy at 7:30 on a Saturday morning. The drive to a local breakfast joint was quite an experience in itself. A medium aged woman was walking in the middle of Hampton Ave. This woman was also carrying a pillow. This scene made me realize the importance of a healthy brain.

After a small journey in the wrong direction, Abbie and Mom arrived for breakfast. The comfort of the table, and the quality service allowed for a great breakfast experience.
I cherish the moments with Mom and Abbie.

TROUBLED MOMENTS

On occasion there will be trouble. Trouble seems to cause varied amounts of pain. Sometimes it comes without warning. Random moments with trouble can latch on to you for a varied period of time. You can be effected by trouble. Try not to let it control you. Stay calm and collected in a time of trouble. Make positive decisions when dealing with trouble. You positive actions are all you control, when trouble arrives.

PAINTERS CORNER

I have introduced a new staple in my life. It is called, "Painters Corner". I try and utilize quality time on the weekend. I paint on Sunday. It is a way to get away, and let my fingers control the contemplation on a canvas. I start without an idea in mind. I just start painting, and see what happens. It is amazing how painting can sooth the nerves on a day before a new workweek.

painting by dustin gilstrap

Something to Think About

If at first you don't succeed, don't skydive.

Rice is great when your hungry and you want 2,000 of something.

Do Chinese kids get English tatoos?

Alcoholism is the only disease you get yelled at for having.

Which way does a compass point in space?

When it comes to race, people always say, I dont care weather thier black, white, purple or green. Now common, purple and green, you got to draw the line somewhere. To hell with the purple people.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I will just ask where their going and hook up with them later.

When French people swear, do they say pardon my English?

If the number 13 is unlucky, then so should the letter B. It is just a squished togeather 13. I feel sorry for BOB.

Why do they put an out of order sign at an escalator? Why dosen't it just say stairs?

An easy way to whiten you teeth is to get a tan.

It takes 46 muscles to frown, but only 4 to flip that guy off.

FINDING YOUR COMFORT

There is uncontrollable chaos surrounding you.

Nouns are pulling at you.

People, constantly are there. Interaction cause a great amount of stress.
Things, are reacting and moving with every moment you create.
Places, are where you are from, and what is to behold.

The constant battle with the chaos will never end. You choose to be self involved with the whirling wind around you. You cannot let yourself get caught in the tornado.

Spend time counteracting the chaos. Make a conscious attempt to place yourself in a comfortable situation. Comfort can calm the state of mind. When you are in a uncomfortable situation, what is your initial reaction? Most people seem to want to run away, or get angry/frustrated. This is such a negative reaction. Why not try to comfort yourself at a specific time in the day. This comfort can bring peace to uncomfortable situations.

Finding your comfort zone is easy. It can be a chair placed in a peaceful spot in your backyard, or on a sandy beach in Tahiti. The possible locations are endless. Your location should be based on an ANTI-chaos theory. Try and choose a positive time. A time in the morning, or whenever. Just choose a similar time every day. Try and pull yourself away from "things". Emptiness is the key. Less is better. Your mind can concentrate at a higher level.

Once you find it, you can start the progression to a calmer, more confident you. When you are there, all you need to do is relax. Sit in a comfortable position, and just let it all go. Realize that you are away. There is nothing to push at you. It is only you. Consciously try and make yourself settle down. Keep yourself in a positive state. Think about anything as long as you feel comfort in your thoughts. Sometimes you have bad days. If you cannot think in positive manner, then try and concentrate on your breathing. The volume knob of the world around you will slowly begin to creep down to a comfortable level. As the volume goes down, your self control will increase. You will began to move away from the stresses of the day.

You will begin to see the change in your uncomfortable reactions. The tornado of chaos will slow at whatever rate you allow. Let it go..




picture of "my comfort location" by dustin gilstrap

DUSTIN, ON DUSTIN

I am constantly trying to understand "Dustin". Who is Dustin? After 26 years of life, I still cannot explain. He can finally see a light, but is not venturing to the end of the tunnel. He holds on to the pondering of what lies ahead. Maybe he does not think there is a end to this tunnel of thoughts. The light may not be leading him in the right direction. Is the tunnel holding the answers to what lies ahead in the outside world. He does not want the contemplation to end. The journey continues....

picture by dustin gilstrap

THE BURN PAINTING

I feel this drive to light the world around me. I burn for the need to ignite. The heat I create can change the vast forest ahead of me. When a fire is created, life ignites. The soil content after a forest fire is extremely fertile. Life is waiting to explode.
I want to burn.

painting by: dustin gilstrap

laughter

Laughter clears the head and allows us to pause in the moment, take a breath and enjoy that moment to the fullest.

Hitting The Fan

What would you do when the shit hits the fan? what would you do when you just cant understand? People think that being a hero is is their path, but what really happens when you do the math? Are you going to fight, are you giong to win? What will you do when you know time is running thin? What if you hear time flying by, time leaving your world, and you see theirs side by side? How would you react if the situation was true, would it be the best thing for me or the best thing for you? I would jump in front of the bullet I say, I would take it so you dont have to pay. I would be the hero and take it this once, but in crunch time would you end up a dunce? We can all dream and thats a fact. But in the end we are remembered when the time is compact.

Will you live out the dream... or will you go unseen?

World Values

We live in our own little world only to look up once in a while and notice there is more out there than ourselves. This blog has awakened my desire to share or connect with others whom are important to me. What a great opportunity we have to learn about each other and maneuver through blog country (new to me).
For Memorial Day our family met in Denver for a weekend of fun. We went to a Rockies Game against the New York Mets. They lost Big Time, but it was fun to be part of the crowd. It saddened me to think of the value we put into sports in our country and the amount of money we throw at it. As I participated in this extravagant event knowing the amount of money we spent, I realized we could solve world issues with all that money. Just the money given to the players alone would solve a portion of our world hunger. I too am a big fan of different sports, so I suppose I too am part of the problem. Could we as a country change our focus and make a difference in our world?

PING PONG

Table Tennis is the most competitive game in the house. Pat, Mike, and I are caught up in the progression. We seem to get better and better by every game. Hand/Eye coordination plays a major role in the game. I have noticed a difference in my coordination outside of the ping pong room. I was playing better Frisbee that I have ever experienced.

I was contemplating the connections. If we become more efficient at a skill, it may connect with another Mind/Body reaction. Connecting the connections will lead to the, "peak" of the human race.

BREAKING AWAY

I have always been surrounded by what does not matter. We can comprehend what we want to comprehend. Meaningless thoughts are all around you. There is a clear blue sky peaking through the distance. Conformity is pulling at us at a constant rate. Your mind is at full capacity without distractions. Push away from the chaos smothered in the world around you.

Acrylic painting by Dustin Gilstrap

THE TEACHING'S OF TYLER GILSTRAP

What can we all learn from Tyler Gilstrap?

Have you ever made a move that changes everything about who you are, and what is to come. Tyler did. He came from Dolores to Greeley to start his college career at U.N.C. He excelled in school. I think his intelligence is at a higher level than most. He seems to have a great understanding of how to succeed. Tyler stayed in Greeley for a few years. I am sure it just dragged on. One day he must have had a realization about his current state. He decided to join the Air Force in a very short period of time. He made a move that most would not. I envy his life change. There is a greatness about his mind state at the time of the change. He went for it. Sometimes you have to go for it. The teachings of Tyler from a subconscious level, is an endless tune in itself.

OLD MAN STRENGTH

My friends constantly express my underlying strength. The deceiving point of my brute strength is coined as "old man strength". What does this mean? The term is derived as slang in the 21st century. Our fathers grew up in the world of slowly expanding technology. There was not a World Wide Web, or other technology choices. Children in this day and age grow up not allowing their muscles to progress at the rate needed for strength later in life. We coin the phrase "old man strength" because it is a fact of life. Our generation before us grew up outside, and was involved in muscle progression athletics and outdoor activities. The fun was created, not provided. They are stronger and more immune because of presence of Polio, and Scurvy in the 50s. Our fathers have chisled the muscles in their body throughout their lives. The human muscle has a endless progression that stays with us throughout life. I am lucky to have parents that instilled athletics, and outdoor fun. I grew up in Dolores. I played sports through high school, and enjoyed outdoor athletic activities. I have extremely strong forearm muscles. The bulk is not there, but the underlying strength can be deceiving. Through this contemplation, I have learned that there is more that just brute strength inside of us. I want to progress to a strength that is overall. Mind and body. Old man strength throughout.

BEYOND THE BACKYARD

We moved into this house about 5 months ago. I live with the Foley twins in a 4-6 bedroom house. The backyard was one of the main selling points for this move. I still cannot believe the overwhelming greatness of our backyard. We enjoy most of our free time at our own house. Free time enjoyed at your own residence is priceless. It brings us together as friends, and allows relaxation to take effect just out the back door. I love to go out there and contemplate. The birds are chirping, and the sounds of nature remind me of Dolores. The mind is easily enlightened in a time of relaxation. Being content about your surroundings allows for progressive contemplation.

relaxation

Take time to relax. . .this is a hard one for me! I go and go and go, seldom stopping to enjoy the ride. With this new realization, I decided to plant a garden, a small garden to relax in. I am not a gardener, but hope to learn realation techniques. Yesterday, I went to Walmart and purchased tomato, cucumber, squash, red, green and yellow peppers with a couple bags of miracle grow. I came home and weeded and turned the area to plant, then proceeded to empty the potting soil and turned the soil again. Once the soil was even I began to plant. Following the directions I was able to plant all the plants, water and then admire my work! Relaxing? You bet! Alone for those few hours calmed and gave me time to ponder what was in my soul. I loved it and found the time was MINE.
Thanks for the reminder Dustin. I will take the time to relax and enjoy the ride.

Cogitation

Reading your posts about contemplation on a rainy morning inspired me to take this picture from our front porch. The way the clouds veil the mountain reminds me of paintings and poetry by Chinese and Japanese artists interested in contemplation as a way of life. I'm not sure, but I imagine they were drawn by the partial limitation of what they could see to a rethinking or re-imagining of how they saw and how how they saw determined what they saw.

Then my thoughts turned to Dad, who loved to declare that he was going to cogitate. He liked the word, and he like figuring things out.

LOCKED UP

I contemplate my clothes selection for the day while i am in the shower. It takes so much deep thought. I go through so many steps to choose the ideal outfit for the day. I waste the moment. I should be contemplating. Miliseconds are ticking away. I want to open my mind to positive, worthwhile thoughts. Changes have to take effect. Our minds seem to be geared a certain way. There is a conformity that takes place at a very early stage in our lives. Our brains are locked into this safe of conformity. What is the "right way"? Why do I have to think about the best clothes selection before hand. My brain perceives that I must think about preparing myself for something important. I am realizing the unimportance of these thoughts. It is extremely hard to change. Preparing yourself to have quality thoughts is the first step to finding the combination. This combination will unlock and open the infinte possibilities of the contents inside.

MUSIC

As I was growing up, I never viewed music as a passion. In the moment, I have been overtaken by the guitar. The sound and progression has made me see the infinity in music. I want to be better. I will never be the best. Just hearing your music after a recording, is the, "enlightenment." I feel accomplished making this, "endless tune."

EARLY MORNING ENLIGHTENMENT

I was sitting here on this mid-Saturday morning listening to nothing. There was no sound. I was downstairs in my room just sitting on my bed. I have realized why I wake up so early in the mornings. The peace of the "nothing" starts my day. The world around me is so noisy. The solitude of a early morning completes me.

The busy world keeps me alive. I live for the opportunity of the day. At work I can succeed. After work I will rest. In the morning I will open my mind for the day ahead. On the weekends I will contemplate and prepare for next week.

It all seems to come together some times.

ESCAPE

You can't escape past.

Let it go. There are dark wells deep in the mind of us all. We hold this empty well with the highest
regard. It controls how we respond to the bright river of the present. We have learned from our mistakes. Some choose to not rely on the knowledge gained. Contemplating the "what if" can hold a human captured at the bottom of the well. Judging your actions from your unconquered moments will only lead to negative reactions in the present.

Let your mind flow like a river. Your mind is capable of much more than you have experienced.

"You are what you allow yourself to be."

A Mother's Love

As we age, we begin to realize the value of family and the depth of our commitment to each one. No other relationship we form will ever be as deep or powerful as that with our children. Heavenly Father gave me four beautiful children and two wonderful gradchildren and now, I live on through their eyes and smiles. As I come to understand the many talents and characteristics of each one, I come to realize their strengths, wants and desires they have deep inside. Knowing that they are a part of me helps me want to be stronger, more understanding and a person they are proud of. How I love each one.
Sunday is Mother's Day and I truly feel blessed!
Elizabeth Stone wrote. . ."Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." This is exactly how I feel as I hope all is well with each child, now no longer children, but grown into strong and caring adults.
Now, I feel as though we are on equal ground, no longer a mother and child, but companions, helping each other through our sorrows, sharing our joys and learning from our experiences. To me motherhood has reached a higher pinnacle than I could ever have imagined.

Morning Meditation

I have been meditating every morning for the last 5 months. I usually wake up around 6:00 am, and concentrate on my breathing for about 15 minutes. Every day I am able to release my mind from the world around. This morning task has changed my thought process throughout the day. I feel different. I feel great. I have overcome my stress level and found some inner peace in myself.

THE GRIND PYRAMID

At any occupation there is a priority based learning system. Many people are "quick learners". Success is varied in the process of learning.

Everyone must learn the basics first. Most people try and get ahead of the game. This is a big mistake. "Without the base of the pyramid, you can never climb to the top."

Once the basics are mastered a person can achieve success at the more complicated levels of the business pyramid.

By prioritizing your learning, you can excel with a higher level of quality. We all know that "quality" is the basis of success. There can never be consistent success with out quality actions and decisions.

If your a quick learner, and prioritize what you learn, you will succeed a high level.

THIN LINE

You have to "go for it".

No matter how nervous or self conscious you are. There is a thin line that everyone stands on in each situation in life. You can either step over to the negative side, or leap onto the positive side. By being positive, a person will achieve confidence in themselves. Take a moment and look at yourself in the mirror. Are you happy with what you see. You have to realize that this is who you are. You will always look at "you" in the mirror. You will prevail once you bridge the gap, and jump over to the positive side.

-Positive actions will be executed when a positive person is ready to act.
-Don't let yourself "think". Just act with confidence.
-The past is never far.
-You don't want to lose who you are inside.
-You don't have anything to lose but yourself.

Every day is a opportunity. When you look back there will only be memories from yesterday. Now is time to let yourself be who you are.

Go for it!

BLIND LOVE

I loved, and learned. The ironic thing is that I still have not lost the deep down love. I never realized that I could actually love someone I disliked. These girls that I loved are still a part of me. There is still that connection. You never lose love.

You also never know who is your next love. She is waiting out there. Do I know who it is going to be. No. She could come along in the grocery store line and the love could start that instant. It might be all over the second we make eye contact. You never know. I think blind love is very positive. Everyone wants it. We all strive for that one moment when we know this stranger next to you is destined to be your true love. I know that I am waiting on her.

Blind love cannot be taken for granted. You have to go for it if you feel it. You will know when it is right. There may be only a small window of opportunity. Go for it!

Yes. Love is always blind. You don't know you love someone until it hits like a freight train.

VIEW FROM ABOVE

I sit high in an oak tree. I sit and watch the pain. The pain of giants all around. I hear the pain with every sound. I see their problems from far above. The giants seem to hold back love. I sit up here to get away. From the pain and sorrow of today. Why can't they just get along. The squirrel will sit up high from wrong.

Where are you?

I am missing something.....

I feel weird. I am craving something. It is a need that I have tried to figure out in my mind for some time. I think I figured it out.

I am in need of a beautiful, smart, outgoing woman. I have been in a semi-recent single mode for a while. You know what I talking about right? The time in everyones life where they are in pursuit of the easiest catch. I am in a stage of my life where I live for the rock and ride the roll. I think times are changing in more ways than one in my semi-functional life.

All the girls that I have experienced in the past year feel like a pool of emptiness. I am drowning in it. There has to be something out there that can fill the space and give me something to strive for in life.

Is there a perfect girl out there? Am I looking in the wrong places? I don't know...

I want to know that the person beside me in life is the one. I want to know who she is before the first handshake. I want to touch her and feel the sensation of connection. She is out there somewhere. I know it......

DEPRESSION IN THE PAST

For those of you who don't actually understand depression here is my own definition. It is a feeling of being stuck. No where to go. No one to go to. The problem is there is no motivation to try and get out. There is this blade that constantly goes deeper. The deeper it goes, the more it hurts and the harder it is to pull out.

I have experience some depression in my short life. I can tell you there is a way out. The knife can be pulled out. The damage is always still done, but that part of your life has to be left alone. Don't forget about it, but also don't catch yourself dwelling on the past.

The way out "made easy"

Step 1. Get up. Get off your butt. Do Something. Doesn't matter what, just do
something besides sitting or laying around wallowing in your misfortune.

Step 2. Write down your thoughts. What are you thinking? What is wrong? Write
it down. Then read it. Realize that you can release some of the bad
from within.

Step 3. Now that you have had practice releasing your thoughts. You need to talk
to someone. There has to be that one person out there that you can talk
to. Spend some time thinking about who you want to talk to. Don't worry
about what you are going to say. It will come out. If you can't find
anyone to talk to, then you need to find help online, or by calling a
support line. This is completely confidential, and sometimes makes people
feel more comfortable talking to a stranger.

Step 4. Take the advise of your new or old friend. They will help you. I promise.
Once you cross the starting line the finish will come.

Step 5. When the depressing thought come. Don't let them stay inside. Release
them. They will hurt you if you don't.

Step 6. You are not perfect. Look back and realize the mistakes you made, and
how far you have come from step 1.

Written April 4 2004.

I thought it would be nice to add to the endless tune.

SINGLE STATE OF MIND

College is a very hit or miss place for relationships. Most are too busy with school and the occasional kegger, that they miss out on the selection of perfect, intelligent partners. Everyone in college is striving for success in school and career.

After college, my perception changed. I realized that life was also about who I will be with the rest of my life. I miss my college girlfriend. We were both in a stage of life that was not based on the future of us. It was fun, but also is very hard for me to realize that I lost her. She is married now. There are other women out there. I feel like i am still stuck in the college state of mind.

Where do I go to meet women. In college it was easy. I went to the local sports bar, and hit on dumb chicks. I have figured out that the bar is not the place to meet the one. Where do I go? I don't know. I guess, later in life, fate takes over. It is not about your charm, but more about finding the right girl at the right moment.

I feel so different now on dates. My morals, and goals have changed. I have just tried to be myself and let fate decide what will happen tomorrow. There is nothing more for me to hide. I am the way I am now. There will always be maturing, but I have made myself the way I am today. Why change. After 26 years of life, I guess it is just time to let my life live on until she comes.

CONFIDENT TRUST

The government will spend endless amounts of money to effectively control the country of Iraq. We are there to help the people in need. The media tries to downplay the fact that we are changing the lives of all the "war-battered" Iraqi’s. The military efforts are working. Positive actions create positive reactions. Our military is gigantic. We will prevail. Why speed up the process. I have always coined the phrase, "measure twice, cut once". With an election around the corner we are impatient with our efforts in Iraq. This country will establish itself in the Middle East with our presence in Iraq. The more time we spend in the Middle East the better. "Oil attracts many people and many conflicts". The United Nations is very effectively involved in the military efforts. We are not the only country resolving this issue. I am confident in our countries involvement.

"Be confident, trust yourself, and trust this country"

ARE YOU SCARED

The economy is at a all time low. This presidential race is the most anticipated since the early days. What if Hilary, or Obama get elected? Who knows. Will Bush be able to save the economy? Will he fix what was broken? I see a progression towards a downhill struggle. This country has injured itself with the mortgage crisis. The debt is out of control. The weather is apocalyptic. The fear is diminishing.

What do you do when you are afraid? Clam up, run, or react.

Concentrate on yourself. You are a consumer.

There is one main issue with the people in this country. They are so caught up by the whole picture, that they miss the resolution right in front of their face.

There is many "scary" issues with this country and world today. Don't be afraid. You can get through it a lot easier than the country can. Fear causes a consumer to consume at a higher level. All the problems in the country are only affecting you at a very minimal level. "you are one grain of sand in the vast desert" Just because the country is having problems, doesn't mean you are having problems. You need to be smart. Think about your spending. I'm not going to go over it, because you should know what smart spending is all about by now. "Just think about it".

I have always had such a hard time controlling my finances. I figured it out.

Answer : "CUT THE CRAP" Don't spend money on stupid things, "like the 300 dollar a year average for a Starbucks customer." Cut the crap and you will have more money. It is that simple.

I feel like something big is going to happen soon with this downward progressing country. It could be good or bad, but there is uncertainty in the air.

BE PREPARED, BUT DON'T GET "GET SCARED"

Realize

Trying doesn't always prevail, a person can always fail.

Do you ever feel like you are destined to fail at a task, no matter what you do? Life throws us a curve ball when we least expect it. Sometimes we swing and miss regardless of the effort involved.

I have been trying to figure failure out. If everything is possible, then why do people fail. Does it depend on the person? Or may the actions taken to complete a task, cause failure. I believe it is a little bit of both. The very first thing that you have to do is realize the actions that you are taking. Certain people like me tend to put blinders on the truth. I have realized that in life you can only fail because you are setting yourself up to fail. I may be putting every last effort into the task at hand, but I am selling myself short. You may have been making the wrong actions the same way for way to long.

You must realize that lies to yourself are a lot easier than lies to someone else. I always thought that things were going to be alright. No matter what the situation. It is a positive way to think, but you are actually being really negative. By taking advantage of the positive outlook you may not be preparing yourself for success. I have been lying to myself for a while. I lost a lot of opportunities that I could have had. My mind was clouded. I was lying to myself.

Don't put things off till a later time. At that later time it will be a lot harder to succeed.

There are so many actions that a person can take to succeed. At the end of every day, I sit down and think about my actions that day. What mistakes did I make this day? What could I have changed? Once a mistake is realized, you must own up to it. Your not perfect. Your actions hurt yourself if they are wrong. Be true to yourself and make a change. Realize your mistakes and make the next day better.

By changing a wrong action from yesterday, you will prevail today.

ENDLESS LUCK

Everyone strives for that one lucky moment when you read those winning numbers and win the lottery. It would be great. I buy a lotto ticket once a week. "You never know". I catch my self day dreaming of what I would do if I won the lottery. "What would I buy first?" "Where would I live?" It would be a life changing experience. I know that all of you have the same thoughts and dreams.

I came to realize today that I was thinking about the wrong "luck". I want you to realize that luck can grab you more often than you think.

I did some research for today:

1-19,679 people in Colorado will meet the person they marry

1-29,042 people in Colorado will save a life.

1-6,663 people will have their first born baby.

1-243,754,034 will win the Colorado Lottery Jackpot.

The first three "lucky" events seem so much more important than winning the lottery.

There's more about being "lucky" than most people realize. If you think about it there is endless amounts of luck happening every second of every day to everyone. Don't take for granted the luck you have.

THE LADDER OF LIFE

You have to realize that you are in 100% control of your actions. Your actions cause a reaction. The reaction can be positive, negative, or a little bit of both. That is completely up to you.

Let me try to put it into perspective. John is failing school. This is his 6th year of college. His parents are running out of money. He has singlehandedly put his parents into the worst debt of their lives. What does John do?

The first mistake most people make in this situation is think negatively. Don't put pressure on yourself because you made bad decisions. Don't bring yourself even more down than you already are. Positive thinking is the only way to climb back up the ladder. everyone has a free ride to the top of the ladder. It is completely and absolutely up to you. You must step up to get to the top. If you bring yourself down negatively you will step lower and lower. the lower you go on the ladder the harder it is to climb back up.

So, now that you are thinking positive you are on your way up. The first step is usually the hardest. The past is the past, your time is now. Your actions don't change the past. They only change the present. Assign yourself a positive outlook. You may not know where your going to be, but you can know where your going. If you trust yourself, then your there.

Take big steps. Don't short yourself. You are capable of of big steps. Most people don't believe that there is a top to the ladder. Don't even think about the top, its all about the climb. Think about now!

Watch were your stepping. A good test for me is, always make sure you don't have to take a step backwards to get forward. For example, if your in debt, the last thing you want to do is take out another loan. You wont know for sure if your step is the right one. The step could be in the wrong place, but if you were positive about it, the step was in the right direction for you. "Right"? You will get there eventually, just keeping stepping.

IF YOU FEEL POSITIVE ABOUT YOUR ACTIONS AND DECISIONS AT THE TIME, THEN YOU WILL MAKE WELL EXECUTED DECISIONS.


IF YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT THE CLIMB, YOU ARE ALREADY AT THE TOP.........

FINDING THE TRUTH

IN TIME WE WILL ALL FIND THE TRUTH, THE REASON WHY. THERE IS ONLY ONE.

I WANT YOU TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU VISUALIZE YOURSELF. IMAGINE THAT YOU ARE LOOKING AT YOURSELF FROM ABOVE AFTER SITUATIONS OCCUR. HOW DID YOU REACT? HOW DID YOU PORTRAY YOURSELF REACTING. YOU HAVE TO REALIZE WHO YOU ARE. A PERSON IN PURSUIT WILL FIND THE WAY. ASK YOURSELF, "WHAT KIND OF PERSON AM I?" MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THEMSELVES AS WELL AS THEY THINK. A CLOUD IS CASTED ON TROUBLED PEOPLE. A MAN TOO CONCENTRATED ON THE WORLD AROUND HIM WILL LOSE HIMSELF. THE REALITY IS PUSHED FARTHER AND FARTHER. TIME HAS A WAY OF MOVING THE CASTED CLOUD. WHEN YEARS PASS A PERSON WILL REALIZE THE TRUTH THAT WAS PAST. EVERYONE KNOWS THE MISTAKES THAT THEY HAVE MADE. THINK ABOUT WHY YOU ARE HERE.

YOU LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES. A REALIZATION OF YOUR FOULS IN LIFE MAKES YOU WANT TO CHANGE. CHANGE IS GOOD.

THERE IS MISTAKES THAT COMPOUND INTO A SNOWBALL EFFECT. YOU MUST STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING. YOU MUST LOOK AT YOURSELF FROM ABOVE. REVIEW YOUR PAST. IT IS YOUR LIFE. DON'T CLOUD MISTAKES IN LIFE. PUSHING THEM AWAY WILL MAKE IT HARDER TO PULL BACK. REALIZE YOUR MISTAKES.

"BETTER YOURSELF".



IN THIS QUEST TO BETTER YOURSELF, YOU WILL FIND THE TRUTH

ANXIOUS FOR WHATS NEXT

Anxiety


It is a thorn that digs into mind.

Do you ever get anxious when talking to a person that you find extremely attractive? Do you get anxious when you are the next person in line to give a speech? Your body clams up, the sweat perspirates, your mind goes blank, "you get the picture".

What makes us anxious? Do you really want to be anxious? No. It is a disease overtakes us all. Everyone has had it at one point in your life's.

Being confident is the only way to fight the flow of anxiousness. Dwelling on the action that is about to take place will cause the anxiousness to flow though your veins. Don't think about it so much. You know that your mind is drawn into the action of thinking about your upcoming speech, attempt at love interest, or any other action. If you can't stop thinking about it, then do something to take your mind off the action. Don't try to put it out of your mind. Just let it go. Learn that there is ways to just let thoughts go. If you don't let them go, you will be so anxious that the actual "you" will not come out when the action is taking place.

Letting go of thoughts:

Think about what you do not remember details during your day. Like the drive you took today. You really don't remember driving in your car today. You knew where you were going, but the "in-between" is kind of hazy. Why is this? It is because you blocked it out. Your mind doesn't feel like it was important for your memory bank to hold onto those moments behind the wheel. You were self consciously confident that you would get to your destination, and your mind let yourself block out what it feels are non-important memories. You have to realize that you can make yourself do this action. It is all in your self conscious. You have to continually try to not think about the anxious action upcoming. Your mind will eventually realize that the action is not worth the extreme uneasiness. By blocking out the anxious thoughts, your self conscious will in turn make the confidence come out.

Once you master this, the confidence will snowball into effects that can only lead to success.

Try it out

Trust Tangent

Trust

It means so much to have it, but means so much to lose it. I was thinking about the unsurmountable action of losing trust from someone you love or care for. This loss closes all doors between you and that loved one. The actions that cause loss of trust are hard to plan ahead for. Usually something happens that is spontaneous and you go for it. You don't think about the tremendous damage the action could cause. Sometimes in life we "go for it" in situations. Whether it is betraying a friend, girlfriend, or even wife. Life happens, but broken trust is a wound that doesn't heal.

The weird thing about trust, is that it can be lost without a action taking place. Either you distrust someone from the first time you see them, or somehow you just feel that you have lost trust with the person you are with.

I lost trust in my last relationship. I can't explain it. I just felt deep down that there was something wrong. I don't know why, but you all can relate to "just feeling like something isn't right". These feelings, I believe are instincts. Our instincts are the oldest part of us and cannot be taken for granted. Everyone has them and uses them on a daily basis. Try and listen for them

I believe that you must trust yourself. If you feel like something isn't right with your partner, or friend then you need to make a decision. Decide whether you want to have that feeling in the back of your mind for the rest of your life, or trust your instincts. Once you reach that realization, you have alot of figuring out to do. Don't rush your decision. Ultimately you will come to the conclusion to follow your instincts. Even if you feel trapped, once the cage is opened you will feel free. I can vouch for that from personal experience.

Some people are caniving, dishonest, and will hide the truth to their grave.

Don't lose trust once you have it, and don't take for granted the instinctual feelings of your human self.

JENGA FOR LIFE

There are so many moments that I would take back in my life.....

Stop. Take a second or so and look back on your life. What would you change? .....................................

There is so much that we would want to let go. Why did we do what was done? What made us think the way we did?

It was a different time. Different place in life....Different Moment......

Trying to make sense of it is impossible. It really concerns me about some of my previous actions. I did some things that I feel now were wrong. I don't know if I was just caught up in the moment of life. The moment has a tendency to catch you. I made some mistakes, but I cant replace time.

It is like a Jenga game. "don't laugh", just listen....

Life is completely built for you. Put all together in one form. Your actions or other actions can remove a block. These blocks represent a time in your life where there was a mistake. When a block is touched or removed it changes the whole look of the form. Some blocks can be removed easy, and some are harder to remove. Ultimately you don't want any blocks removed. Theses blocks being removed are mistakes in life. With the "building blocks of life" removed, you have a greater chance of your life crashing down. Earlier in life "or form" the blocks are easier to remove. As you grow the blocks are harder to remove.

You want to keep the original form. Once a block is removed "mistake", you can never take it back. It is gone, and your life is that much easier to crash down. Try to make less mistakes. Be nice to people. Make good decisions. Make the positive moments positive. Don't play the game if you are intelligent enough to realize the "moments"

Jenga for Life.....